Relief from Phantom Pain

 


I'm always looking for relief from my phantom pain- that ache coming from a long-lost arm or leg. Amputees experience it- the hurting of an extremity that is no longer exists, yet whose ghost still somehow feels attached to the body. The part of the brain once responsible for sensing the departed body part basically has nothing to do, and is “tricked" into believing that the  nerve endings still exist, often in screaming agony. It is so common a condition that pain management specialists have entire therapies dedicated to managing the syndrome. 

I routinely employ a certain technique for controlling my emotional phantom pains. Having had three children severed from my being four years ago, I continue to feel the ache and throbbing as if they were all just  one room away (which they never are). So I distract myself- play guitar, run, go to a meeting, or throw the ball with the dog. Sometimes I engage in a good interaction with a complete stranger- like the man who apologized to me at the strip mall parking lot this past weekend for being such an asshole at my place of work. I remembered the situation from a few weeks prior very well- I denied his girlfriend, a regular the ER, any further prescription pain medicine, and at the time he threatened to kick the shit out of me. So it came to be that out of sheer coincidence I parked next to him and he recognized me, said hello, and said he was sorry for his behavior. I happened to have been in a rough mood In that moment, feeling my lost-child phantom pains pretty badly. It was such a wonderful exchange that I held onto it, and my pains were significantly mitigated.

Such a simple act, yet it eased my suffering. Yes, I feel the hurt of my children's absence every hour of every day. But when I engage humanity in a positive manner- whether it be a stranger or a lifelong friend, I recognize that phantom pain as all it really is. Nothing more, nothing less....and I can move on with my day.


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