Arrogance at My First AA Meeting

Excerpt from Chapter 6; reflections  on my very first AA meeting many years ago. YOU have helped me come a long way since then!

 The preliminary readings were completed, and it was time for people to “share.” It was an open discussion meeting, and the topic was chosen from the participants. The leader called out for volunteers and an uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Finally, an ancient guy in the corner rocking chair began to speak, and the conversation began. My thoughts hijacked me-

This is silly. I feel like an imposter, like I don’t belong here. I’m not a week sober and these people are going on decades. What do I know? How can I possibly contribute, and to what end? This whole thing is useless crap. A bunch of drunks sitting in a room talking about how they were born a drunk and will die a drunk and hopefully with the help of other drunks won’t do any drinking today so they can piece together a string of no-drink days in their sorry pathetic lives, in their grimy, tattered T-shirts, with their mottoes and platitudes and bad coffee.

The old man’s share ended. More silence. Impulsively, I opened my mouth.

“Hello, my name is Joe, and . . . (pause)

and. . . I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hello Joe.” All faces locked onto mine.

I hesitated. After initially drawing a long blank, my mouth finally blurted out the only words I could think of.

“I woke up in a SoHo doorway, a policeman knew my name.”

Laughter all around. I loosened up, and continued.

Still, I felt like such a phony in a room full of puny and irrelevant, yet sober, souls....