Rearview Mirror

Twenty Days. 

It took a year to write. It took six months to edit, and three to promote. Ballad of a Sober Man: An ER Doctor's Journey of Recovery has been up for sale twenty days.

 It made the front page of my local newspaper. Saturday was the big book reading with Amber and her book of poetry under the autumn color of the Virginia Blue Ridge. There was music, food, and and fellowship. I sold books. The river of texts was flowing fast. My friends helped with the celebration, and I continue to surpass my expectations of sales online.

Funny though, I'm ready to put it all behind me. In the rearview mirror.

In the experience timeline of any project, there seems to be the concept, the fantasy, the work, the implementation, the process, the buildup, the moment of release, the celebration, the self-congratulation.

I am now experiencing the aftereffects...the reflection, and even, in to a certain degree, the subtle hangover.

This morning I took out a large cardboard box and stuffed it full of bookmarks, bookplates, leftover thank-you cards, and other random Ballad paraphanelia. And it felt good. I now have a clear kitchen table for the first time in months.

Even wonderfully positive experiences need closure. 

I thought, I wrote, I revised, I promoted, I celebrated. I am feeling strongly now that it is time to move past, to close the book on the book, if you will, and seek out my next blank page.

The dust settles and I sit here, writing this blog post, 1453 days sober, still an ER doc. I will still go to my job. I will continue to write to my children. I will still take the dog on runs, have dinner with friends, play guitar, and see my special people.

 I will always have the book, which now, happily, sits large in my rearview mirror. I know as the days pass and more of them pile up between this moment and the book's fifteen minutes, every time I look, it will grow smaller in my field of view. And thats OK. The book is my past, and I have a mellow, satisfactory sensation of completion. 

Thank you.

Thank you for being part of it.

JD

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Frank Gallagher?

Image
I r ecently rediscovered TV after months of not even turning my set on. The show that has currently hooked my attention, and that I recently began to binge watch, has been Shameless with William H. Macy and Joan Cusack, about a big dysfunctional family living and struggling in Chicago’s rough South Side. It is a hybrid of drama and dark comedy. Both the character of Frank Gallagher as well as the narrative holds true to the show’s name- each episode is saturated with drugs, violence, and gratuitous fucking (too much, in my opionion, even for a Showtime original). Macy does a great job portraying an alcoholic deadbeat, good-for-nothing, scheming drunk who is completely inept as a father. What the viewer can also glean is that even through his stumbling, bumbling ways, Frank is smart - he seems to eloquently lie and scheme his way into money, sex, and his family’s attention, waxing poetic to get what he wants most of the time. His character both resonates and alarms me, and as I watch hi
Read more

Nothing Comes Before It

Image
As we have now put a dent in 2021, and my bloggerlust is slowly awakening- partially from topic inspiration, partly on the encouragement of my dear one- I recognize that these twelve months have the potential to surpass my wildest permutation of the future. Six weeks ago I rang in the new year with an entirely new (and completely unexpected)  magical pouch brimming with hope and exciting prospects, and as we turn a snowy corner towards spring, many of those prospects are coming to fruition. Work is stable, my physical and mental health continue their upward trajectory, and I am hopelessly and willingly steeped in an amazing new relationship, the bliss of which is gloriously transcendent. My existence appears to be humming along on all cylinders. I finally feel like I've got this “life thing” down. Danger, JD! You are so busy celebrating yourself, gleefully patting yourself on the back that you are subtly distancing yourself from the original source of your stability and growth in y
Read more

Intubating Alcoholics

Image
In the past week I have put three alcoholics on life support. The first one was 39 years old. He arrived to the emergency department by EMS unconscious with almost no blood pressure. I placed my ultrasound probe on his heart and saw it was beating alright,  just very little blood was entering his ventricles. This is because he was bleeding to death. When I intubated him I saw pooled blood in the back of his throat. His liver was so far gone, so cirrhotic, that blood could not easily pass through it, and the backup and created high vein pressures on sensitive areas like his esophagus and stomach, whose linings themselves were eroded from the caustic effects of constant boozing. He was literally hemorrhaging internally, and it took many units of blood to even get a pressure back. He made it to the ICU, and later that night, died. We later learned from family that he had moved back to town "to get sober." Case two was  a 53 year old chronic alcoholic who came to me con
Read more